What I Struggle With

A few weeks ago, we held the final retreat for our Engaging Spirituality group. I haven't been able to attend the regular weekly sessions, because they were being held at the same time as our JustFaith meetings, but I've attended a few times, and have made it to three of the four retreats.

There is a regular exercise at each of the meetings and retreats that is called Bearings...where a letter is read from someone who has been active in Justice/Peace for a good part of his/her life. In these letters, there are three topics: My Struggle (what the person has struggled with over the years, and especially now), My Practice (what the person finds uplifting, grace-giving, sustaining), and My Challenge (what the person invites the hearers to take to heart, to live out). In addition to those guest writers, over the course of the weeks each member of the ES group is asked to write a personal Bearings letter, to share with the group.

I was asked to share my own Bearings letter as the final letter, at our closing retreat. The exercise of pondering, writing, & rewriting was cathartic; and when I read my Bearings letter to the group, I honestly found myself in tears when I read aloud the "struggles" part. Here are the last two paragraphs from that section of the letter.

"However, my biggest two struggles are getting more difficult as I get older. One is with my Church, which I do love. But perhaps because I love it, it is so hard not to be very disappointed with it, and sometimes very angry. I'm not even talking about priests who sexually abuse kids, but the tendencies still within our Church that kept it quiet. I'm talking about celibates who deny ministry and leadership roles to women and married people and cloak it in theology. I'm talking about authority figures who love the trappings of power, who are clubby with each other, or who cozy up to the powers of the world instead of challenging them. I have always struggled with this, but more so of late. Maybe it's because I'm getting older, but I'm afraid it's because I think it's getting worse. Fortunately, our best theology is stronger than these pretensions, and the gospel has its own truth which ultimately cannot be denied.

"My biggest struggle, however, may surprise you. It is the struggle with being an American in the 21st century. I am deeply ashamed of our country right now. I am ashamed of the national discourse in the halls of power. I am ashamed of our tax and economic systems that disproportionately and unjustly reward those who already have the most power and money, and of people that want to cut off benefits for the common good or for the poor. And I am ashamed when at the same time we live in a country that has greater war-making capabilities than any country in the history of the world, which spends almost as much on its military might as the rest of the world combined. I am ashamed that the good people of our country cannot see this, or feel so helpless and powerless that they merely complain, and don't try to do anything about it. For me, this struggle has gotten so bad that frankly, I cringe when I hear people say God Bless America, like our president and all politicians do regularly, or when I'm at the ballgame and people stand and sing that song, when I feel we should be saying God HELP America. I'm sorry to be so blunt and I'm sorry if I offend you, but I want to tell you what I struggle with. In fact, I've become convinced that the only way I can live with this any longer is by trying much harder to do something about it, and that's a direction I hear God calling me toward."

More about this at another time. On Monday, I leave for Africa, to visit our sister parish in Namitembo, Malawi. Accompanying me will be 7 high school students from our parish, along with 4 other adults. I may create a post or two while there, if I can figure out how to do it.

A Short Economics Lesson

I came across this two minute clip on U-Tube today, from MoveOn.org. Of course they have a political bias, but that's also something that could be said about virtually anybody who has an economic opinion. This one features former Secretary of Labor, Robert Reich. It is simple, and relies on statements of fact which I have heard before from other sources. If anyone out there disputes his facts, I'd love to hear from you.

WAKE UP, MIDDLE CLASS!!

Living Faith Behind Closed Doors??

I LOVE Pentecost! And right now it's a perfect day; there's a blue sky and a mild, cooling breeze, there are red pennants waving around the church, so many of the people are wearing red themselves, the church is sweet with the lingering smell of incense, and the trumpeter is warming up for the next Mass.

We ARE the Church! Don't let the pope or bishops tell you differently, and don't let your faint heart protest!

I thoroughly enjoyed writing and giving this homily, and I believe it wholeheartedly.

Pentecost Sunday, June 12, 2011

Good morning, and a Blessed Pentecost to you today! Did you notice those red pennants outside, as you came in today? I hope it got you in a Pentecost mood. All those of you who wore red today, thank you! And the stirring music, the incense! It’s a wonderful feast; it’s meant to rouse our hearts. Is there anything not to love about Pentecost?

Well, actually, there is. There is something we should look at. Because before we get to hear the rush of Spirit as that wild, unexplainable wind blowing through the room where the disciples are gathered… before we get to feel the passion of the Spirit as fire parting and emblazoning its touch on every one of those gathered… before we join the apostles as they emerge from their gathering place, changed people, filled with spirit and enthusiasm so bold and contagious… we really need to confront the temptation of living behind the closed doors.

In the Gospel, when Jesus appears to the apostles for the first time, on Resurrection evening, those doors are even locked – bolted shut for fear of the Jews. In our First Reading, which takes place after the Ascension, they were again gathered in that same place, where they had been earnestly praying with Mary and others, for days; because even though they had all experienced the real presence of the living, resurrected Jesus, they gathered together, behind those closed doors, because they really had no idea what they were supposed to do next.

Probably everyone here can relate to that experience. Maybe we have never gone literally “into hiding,” behind locked doors, but we all know what it is like to be afraid. Some of us have even experienced what it is like to face a mortal threat. It might be when we are facing death; or, it might be when we are looking at evil, right up front and personal. Perhaps we most commonly experience fear when we’re facing the unknown, when we’re facing our inadequacies, our limitations, especially even our faults, and then sometimes we find ourselves ashamed of ourselves and are afraid others will find out. Fear is a common denominator of the human race, we’re all touched by it. With most of us, it might not be very obvious – but generally, fear is a fact woven into the tapestry of our lives. And how we deal with our fears plays a large part in the quality of our living.

It’s important to recognize that the apostles’ fear was rooted in solid realities. The world they were living in was a dangerous world: Jesus their Lord and Master had been crucified, and they were his closest followers. The Jewish hierarchy had just routed them; their Roman oppressors had demonstrated that they were not going to put up with civil disturbance. And of course, on tope of all that, they were still just common people…fishermen, and the like.

So we too also live in a dangerous world, in different ways of course. The same prejudice, greed, hatred, and cruelty that nailed Jesus to the cross are still very much a part of our modern scene. We live in a world that is violent; we live in a society that is materialistic and hedonistic, with a huge gap between the most wealthy and the rest of our citizens, that is growing ever larger. We here today at St. Bridget are largely fortunate to have found places of peace, and for many of us even prosperity in our jobs, our neighborhoods, our church.… but there are refugees all over the globe, fleeing violence, persecution, and poverty, a high percentage of them Christian. Internationally, there is economic, political, and religious unrest. Nations have armed themselves against nation, our own nation more than all the rest. And at level of daily life, every day it seems you read about a parent who does something awful to a child; or one spouse to another; or one young person to a random sampling of classmates. Danger in our world is not an illusion, nor is fear. Those disciples who sought safety and comfort by huddling together behind closed doors had good reason to be afraid, and sometimes so do we.

But the reason we celebrate today is because the story doesn’t end there, behind closed doors. Those frightened disciples were visited by the risen Christ, and with his help and the gift of the Holy Spirit they overcame their fears, no longer cowering but instead proclaiming the good news. The transformation is remarkable – the same people, in the same world. The dangers were still there and very real. But the fear was gone, or at least it was under control. They were controlling it, instead of it controlling them. What happened to change them?

It seems that there were two factors involved in overcoming those fears. The first was a change in their focus. Jesus said to them, “As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” That put everything in a totally different light. Up to that point, their chief concern had been survival – and that’s why they were hiding. They were all afraid that the Jews would do to them what they had done to Jesus. And that possibility did exist and continued to exist – in fact, many of them eventually died a martyr’s death. But their fear no longer mattered; their focus had shifted.

My friends, if our main business in this life is our own personal survival and comfort, and that of those we love, then we have very good reason to be afraid, because we are hooked up with a losing cause -- that purpose is bound to fail! I hate to say that, but it’s true. We might spend a fortune trying to make everyone safe, walling out crime and violence, or poverty -- whatever terrors might trouble us. But if violence or accident or disease doesn’t get us, then old age will. There is a bigger and better reason for living than to simply stay alive and find our comforts where we can until we die… and Jesus offers that -- His Way, His Truth, and His Life -- to all of us…whatever our age; whether we’re healthy or not, or wealthy or not; and even though we are sinners. Jesus sends us forth just as he did the first apostles, “As the Father has sent me, so I send you,” sending us on a mission to spread his love by showing others his love, and THAT'S a mission worth living for and even dying for.

And secondly, of course, once their focus was changed, no longer fixed on their own lives, Jesus gave them the resources necessary for carrying out that mission. This is what we celebrate so lavishly today! Jesus breathed on them and said “Receive the Holy Spirit.” The wind and fire and electricity of the Holy Spirit came upon them all. And though the signs of the Spirit’s presence may not seem so dramatic today, that very same Spirit is given to us, with all its power, with all its many gifts. And we are STILL commissioned to do what Jesus asked, when he left this earth – to go and make disciples of all the peoples -- disciples who will help us renew the face of the earth.

You may say, this sounds like a daunting task. But my friends, WE ARE the CHURCH; so, we need to ACT like it. We must – because WE are entrusted with this sacred task of renewal, of spreading his love by showing his love. It is our time; it is our turn. And we don’t want to live our faith huddled behind closed doors.

We are not on this journey alone, by ourselves. God is with us; the Holy Spirit is given to us. And we have companions too, do we not? Should we not be able to work with our brothers and sisters, here and beyond these walls, to do whatever is necessary? And what’s even more, we are given food for the journey ahead – a most sacred meal which we will once again share this morning.

Deacon Denny Duffell

Fr. John Dear on Fr. Bill Bischel

Just received John Dear's latest NCR article, on Fr. Bischel -- whom we affectionately know as Bix. Please do check out the whole article, HERE.

He quotes from Bix's letter:

I shuffle around the common area, and I thank God for being here and for the peace I experience. I am not anxious or overly concerned about anything… [I have] things wrong from head to toe, move slowly, tire easily, and take a half ton of pills to prolong breath and life [but] I'm blessed by the peace and quiet spirit inside. I'm not concerned about trying to be more than I am with the other inmates. I'm trying to let them see -- and not hide or disguise -- my lack of knowledge on so many things… I'm lucky to be here.

I know I'm getting weaker -- it takes all my strength and breath to make my bunk. I have to sit down a few times in the process. It takes all I have now to do one or two slow shuffles around the common area. I don't feel panicked or upset about my condition. I know I can keel over at any time, but I feel very much at peace with this condition and understand and accept it -- thankfully -- as part of my journey.

I don't have a regular prayer time now -- but I pray and try to be alert, i.e., at rest in the presence of God. I ask God to lead me as God sees fit. There is no anxiousness or compulsiveness or resolve to preach or hold prayer sessions or do any "religious actions" -- just be and shuffle around. There are four TVs which I avoid, with their steady diet of sex and violence. I am so thankful to feel at peace with my life. It's a gift from God and I do feel God working in and with me. I could be wrong, but this is what I experience.

And he also quotes from a note from Bix's friend, Joe Power-Drutis, who went back to Knoxville to be near him. It wasn't good:

I am not sure what I expected to encounter but what I did see was a broken and very hurting soul. Pale, frail, mildly shaky, complaining of being unable to hear because of fluid in his ears, dizziness and lightheadedness, pointing with his fingers that he is struggling to push the right numbers on the phone -- eyes glassed over, flat affect, and complaining that his gait is so poor, yet he has been commanded to "keep moving." He requested a wheelchair and was refused. He went on to tell me with tears in his eyes that he was placed in a cell and locked in there, with woefully inadequate bedding and clothing, for a week. He repeatedly asked guards for clothing and an extra blanket, and was laughed at and ignored. At some point after repeated requests, another inmate gave up his blanket to Bix.

Bix's medical problems create a lack of blood and oxygen to his hands and feet, leaving them white and ice cold when his overall body temperature falls. Following this, his hands and feet are filled with pain, like being jabbed repeatedly with needles. He spoke of the never-ending pain, which leads to sleep deprivation, insomnia, disassociation and hallucinations.

Bix was certainly aware of what he was doing when he walked onto the base at Bangor and across the blue line at Y-12. For these acts he is ready to remain in prison and pay the ultimate price. But this in no way permits this system of criminal injustice to do what it has done to him. The unjust and unlawful acts perpetrated on him are tantamount to torture.

Bix is now better; but his situation remains serious. When this term finishes later this month, he faces sentencing for another action, that could bring 6-12 months more.